All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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