Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
