idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
