Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
