Cold hands, warm shart.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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