Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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