They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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