it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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