hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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