Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
