dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
