p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
