Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
