I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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