Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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