Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize