i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
