Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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