I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
