So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
