I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
