i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
