Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
