I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
