I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
