I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love having hate sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
