Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
