Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
