I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
