my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
