everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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