It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
