I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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