How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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