he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am one with the molecules
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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