OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
