I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
