Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This baby is an asshole
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
