lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
