YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
