They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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