can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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