Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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