Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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