I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
