I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
