and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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