I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
