God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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