kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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