I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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