the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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