I wanna bring you to show and tell
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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