kristin has been a bad kristin
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My penis needs a shock collar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
