two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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