It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
