You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
