The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
