he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
