I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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