HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
