Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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