I'm so fucking centered right now
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize