I love black thongs
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
