How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
