So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I party with great urgency now.
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