yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
