i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
