Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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