Can i not drive my cunt home
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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