Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
