You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i think my cat just said my name.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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