The maid of honor just puked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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