The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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