I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
