It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
