If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
