Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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