when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
