I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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