Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize