question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
should my penis look like a turkey
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
