I just cut my nipple shaving
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
