on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
