xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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