i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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