Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's just like the Real World with babies
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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