he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
