LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ruined the universe
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
