You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
