I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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