Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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