There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize