sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
