So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
