never play flip cup with pint glasses
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need moral support for this bender
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
