very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
