You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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